Post 16

We made the decision to go back up north to the doctor and see what our next step was. When we got there the nurse lead us into the room and I once again derobed. (I was truly getting fast about getting my clothes off and getting that beautiful hospital robe on. lol. ) Kendall and I didn't talk much. We sat in silence as the doctor came into the room. He did another exam as he left the room he asked me to get dressed and then he would be back in. After I was dressed Kendall and I sat in the chairs seated next to each other holding hands waiting for the doctor to return. The doctor returned shortly after and pulled a chair up in front of us. He had our file in hand as he began explaining that he wasn't sure why the insemination's did not work. Kendall and I were both completely normal on the fertility scale. My tubes were not blocked, I was ovulating regularly, everything was perfectly normal on me. Kendall had above average sperm on both the count and the health. Now why wasn't it working?

Post 15

I called the doctor and told them I had started my period. They then told me that when I was ready to set up an appointment for us to discuss other options to call them back. Other options I thought? There was no use. This didn't work so nothing would.

The next few months went by slowly. I had my good days and bad. We would keep ourselves busy by doing things together in the mountains. We didn't bring up the word baby. When we heard about people getting pregnant we would just ignore it. Sex was no longer fun. Why bother? I would cry at the drop of a pin. I would often ask myself why?

Another birthday came. Birthday? All I could think of was the fact that I was getting older and infertile. Why was I even on this earth? I knew Kendall was angry at me, I knew his family thought I was worthless, I knew my family thought I was not meant to be a mother, I knew our bishop thought we were not righteous enough, I knew the lord was punishing me, I knew, I knew, I knew..............................

Post 14

I looked at the calender which had been counted down to 29 days This was the pattern that was followed from day one. I placed a X on it showing the day of the insemination and then counted the remaining days until the next X, which was the day I was to start my period. Every night I would place a check mark on the days date and waited until the next. As the days got closer to the big X I would hold my breath and say a little prayer. One by one the days were marked and then suddenly tomorrow was the big X day. That night in bed I prayed and prayed asking God to not let tomorrow come, and if it did, let me not start my period.

I woke up that morning knowing what was happening. I had the feeling, I know that once I got out of bed that would be the end of it, and my period started.

Post 13

I didn't go on four wheeler rides, I didn't exercise, I just took things really easy hoping that if I did this I was pregnant. The time came, we were up camping, and I started my period. I had given up on the fact of ever having a kid. I sent Kendall out on a four wheeler ride with his dad and I laid in the camper and cried. Before Kendall left he asked if I was ok. I told him I was just really tired and wanted to take a nap. He left thinking I was ok. I cried and cried, and even threw a few things around. I just didn't understand why god was making me so miserable. I heard the four-wheelers coming back, I pulled myself together and wore my sunglasses the rest of the night.

We started the ovulation tests one more time. When the results were positive we once again travel to the University of Utah Fertility treatment for our last insemination. We knew the route by heart. We could have closed our eyes to get there. Kendall who was not a city driver was driving like he lived up there. No hesitation, no questions, he was now an expert!

The insemination was over, the doctor shook our hands and we just sat there in quiet for 15 minutes waiting until it was time for me to sit up. I got dressed and we headed home.

Post 12

The ovulation kits once again said positive. We headed north to the fertility clinic. When we got there, we once again paid our money, and Kendall seemed to really be enjoying his new found room, lol. After Kendall was done we went to the cafeteria got some food, then sat in the truck to talk. We talked about this being the time when we were pregnant. God loved us and he didn't want us to hurt anymore so this time it would work.

An hour passed and we went back inside the clinic. We once again went into the room and I got my gown on. It seemed like everything was in rewind and then played forward again. We knew the routine. The doctor came in, said hello again and the insemination started. After the doctor was done he explained to us that if we didn't get pregnant this time he wanted to do it one more time and then we would more on to more aggressive things. Which meant it would cost more money.

We headed home, not getting to excited, because it was to hard to get our hopes up and have them crash down on us. We didn't really talk much on the way home, it seemed like we couldn't get home fast enough. I fell asleep hoping the time would go by faster.

Post 11

I was asked to coach the freshman girls basketball team. I was so excited so I said YES! I was getting everything set and ready to take the coaching classes when I once again, started my period. We called the fertility clinic and told them the news, I am sure they were thinking $$$$$$, and they said to get more ovulation tests and come back for another insemination when it was positive.

I was crying ALL the time. One time in particular it was a Sunday afternoon, and I had a total break down. I new it was all my fault that I couldn't get pregnant, I did something wrong, I know I did, If I would have, If I did, Why can they? It went on and on. Kendall held me on the couch for a few hours while I was crying my eyes out, and he in return, shed some tears. I did not understand one bit!!!! I finally stopped crying and I was both mentally and physical tired. We decided to go for a ride. We got into our truck and headed up the street, as we were leaving one of Kendalls good friends flagged us down and told us to look at the tornado in the sky, we thought he was just breaking the tension, but we looked up and there was really a tornado!! Yes, here in little Manti. Now that is a completely different story, but for the rest of the day there was something else to think about, talk about other then BABIES!!!!

Post 10

The day I started my period we had to call the Fertility Clinic and let them know. They wanted us to do the ovulation test for another month and when the test said positive we were to call them, once again and have another insemination.

During this time I knew I needed to have faith in God again. I needed his strength. We started going to church again. We got our temple recommends and every time we went to the temple we would put our name on the prayer roll. After a session we would sit in the Celestrial room praying and pleading that we could have a baby.

The time came and I was ovulating once again. We made our way to SLC to the fertility clinic for another insemination. After we went in, filled out the papers, and payed our money, Kendall was once again taken to his "Manly Room". On a funny note, I asked him if I could come in this time and he said ya that would be good. A few minutes later he looked and me and asked me very nicely to please leave the room.

An hour later we were taken into a room and I put on the hospital gown, climbed up onto the table and waited for the doctor. This time when he came in he explained that quite often the insemination doesn't work the first time. Most people end up pregnant on there second insemination. This gave us hope and we were once again excited.