I called the doctor and told them I had started my period. They then told me that when I was ready to set up an appointment for us to discuss other options to call them back. Other options I thought? There was no use. This didn't work so nothing would.
The next few months went by slowly. I had my good days and bad. We would keep ourselves busy by doing things together in the mountains. We didn't bring up the word baby. When we heard about people getting pregnant we would just ignore it. Sex was no longer fun. Why bother? I would cry at the drop of a pin. I would often ask myself why?
Another birthday came. Birthday? All I could think of was the fact that I was getting older and infertile. Why was I even on this earth? I knew Kendall was angry at me, I knew his family thought I was worthless, I knew my family thought I was not meant to be a mother, I knew our bishop thought we were not righteous enough, I knew the lord was punishing me, I knew, I knew, I knew..............................
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Something was telling you you were not meant to be a mother. But your family never thought nor would they ever think you were not meant to be a good mother. You were going through a tough time and with tough times come those negative feelings. I just wish I could have helped you in some way as I know you are helping other couples.
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